A little bit about me… I spent nearly two decades white-knuckling my way up the corporate ladder. I have a tattoo on my foreman depicting a woman blindfolded, burning at the stake, and lighting a joint on the flames lit by her oppressors. And yes, these facts are related. I had the privilege of working with some of the world’s most successful companies and some wildly unorganized fuck shows. I spent years learning from some truly incredible people and mentors, surviving the handsy creepers, and acquiring a shit ton of badges on my useless and ill-fitting Corporate Girl sash. Badges like PTSD, imposter syndrome, self-deprecation, internalized misogyny, staying small to stay safe, body dysmorphia (that one has been a prerequisite since birth), perfectionism, people pleasing, and my favorite – apologizing for things that literally have not a single fucking thing to do with you! Sprinkle in some placating and dick (I mean ego) stroking and that’s Ambassador level Corporate Girl.
Despite my efforts, I was consistently cast aside, all the while choking on the empty promises offered up as shiny distractions by countless bosses. I have experienced all kinds of gender-based discrimination throughout my tenure – being labeled things like hard to manage and emotional while my male counterparts were labeled trendsetters and passionate; subtle and overt comments about my “aggressive tone” or “difficult style” in emails that were accepted coming from male colleagues; sexual harassment and the abuse of power by men in leadership; teams based entirely on the patriarchy and Peter Principle; being excluded from conversations that were clearly designed to grow relationships with a certain demographic (most often white men); both women and men accusing me of being a whore and f*cking my way to the top – I can assure you, I have not sucked a single dick that got me anywhere but therapy; and of course, getting passed over for promotions again and again despite stellar performance reviews. I spent all of those years fighting for just basic respect, climbing over and through the barriers that exist in a male-dominated workplace.
It’s not an experience that I would wish upon anyone… and by sharing my stories and building a community of changemakers, I want to ensure your daughters don’t find themselves burning at the Corporate stake. In this series, I’m sharing my perception and breaking down my experience with navigating the SDE (small dick energy) infested waters of Corporate America and the lessons of gender inequality I’ve learned along the way. So let’s talk about The Boys Club – the unspoken, yet all-too-present set of rules, codes, and behaviors that often determine who gets ahead in the workplace, and perpetuates gender discrimination and the men who benefit from their membership. I hope to inspire to join our community and share your thoughts and ideas so you can make your journey to sustainable change one rooted in resilience instead of resignation.
Gentlemen, welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!
The Boys Club is defined as a male-dominated organization, especially in business, that excludes or mistreats women. It is much more than just a metaphor; it’s a nuanced social structure embedded within corporate environments. And for women, negotiating within such a framework is akin to navigating a labyrinth where the rules are always changing in favor of the male gaze. The path to promotion or recognition is obscured by a fog of compliance, where even the slightest divergence may see you cast out or worse—notes in rhythmic, protein-shaking chants of a toxic work culture. Think of it as Fight Club for executives with nod-and-wink sexism in place of bare-knuckle brawls. A place where hierarchical orders are not just followed but revered, and where unconscious bias propels the promotion of men while sidelining the potential of their female counterparts. Binge drinking is approved and often celebrated. No complex carbs. Every office comes with a mini fridge stocked with pre-approved protein shakes. Lots of blazers and squared-toed shoes. Drugs are permitted with some discretion, Adderall necklaces for everyone! And anyone who breaks these unwritten rules is ostracized, labeled liability, and sent to an account in Siberia, never to return.
An effective boys club can be a bleak and depressing environment for women, where they are seen as outsiders and never really considered team players. Their focus is spent on remaining small and silent, pandering company propaganda while avoiding eye contact, and never taking risks. This has long-term effects on the professional development of women, who often find themselves stuck in a never-ending cycle of fear and conformity. This type of language and behavior serves to condition and undermine women, making them second-guess their contributions and opinions as well as affecting their self-confidence. And it all leads to a lack of psychological safety and fear of retribution, causing many instances of sexual harassment or mistreatment due to those in power abusing their authority.
They Got Their Pitchforks and Proof, Their Receipts and Reasons – Taylor Swift
Remember that tattoo we talked about? Think Hester Prynne meets Joan of Arc meets Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill. In the Middle Ages, more women were tried and executed for witchcraft in Catalunya than anywhere else in Europe. Accused witches often fit a particular social profile: they were usually older women, widows, and immigrants, without economic means – sometimes working as midwives or healers to make ends meet. Sadly these same descriptions still apply to many of the modern women we see today, who are persecuted and ignored in male-dominated environments. Of course, these days, gender inequality has taken more subtle forms than public burning at the stake, but make no mistake: we are still facing discrimination based on gender in all sorts of ways every day. From being passed over for promotions due to outdated ideas about who is qualified to lead; to having our voices go unheard or ignored because of archaic expectations around what women “should” do. It is a sad reality that women must often put themselves in harm’s way to succeed.
We must endure hushed whispers about our character, baseless accusations of incompetence, gross groping disguised as leadership, and unfair biases against us—a reality that no man has to face. That double standard is alive and well and women are leaving promising careers in droves as they face burning at the proverbial stake by their male counterparts through unfairness and discrimination that has no place in today’s society. We have been conditioned to accept policies that force us into silence; fear retribution from men in power if we speak up, and witness abuse as we are told it is part of ‘just how things are’. No one should have to struggle against oppressive systems and unfair expectations to achieve sustainable success in their careers and personal lives.
Breaking the Silence – Understanding Why Victims Stay Silent and Why it’s Important to Speak Up
It’s important to recognize that harassment isn’t just a result of one individual’s actions – it’s accomplished by the complicity of various third-party actors. We have all experienced managers, HR, and colleagues be complicit in silencing people who experience harassment, encouraging them to trust the system, and urging them to keep these experiences to themselves. This is done to protect the company and the abuser, while the victims are left feeling completely powerless – and often ashamed.
It’s also important to understand why victims stay silent. It could be out of fear, or a lack of resources or support from others in the organization who can help them take action. Additionally, most victims feel like their stories won’t amount to anything if they speak out – that no one will believe them or care enough to help them make a change. This can be especially true for those without Psychological and Emotional Safety or power in an organization—those without connections in higher positions, influence over decisions, or platforms to amplify their voices. The narrative needs to shift away from victim blaming towards creating safe spaces where individuals can share their experiences and be heard, respected, and supported without judgment or retaliation.
I have spent many a night around the proverbial campfire, swapping stories of sexual harassment and mistreatment of women in the workplace. From working for a man who proudly proclaimed he loved hiring women because they come in cheaper (cheers to perpetuating the wage gap!), to the dude who hired a private investigator to follow me in my personal life for reasons I still don’t know and every gross groper in between, I have seen and heard it all. The deepest cut of betrayal came from a senior executive who made a pass at me, his intentions thinly veiled by the fact that he habited the boys club’s upper echelons. When I resisted, I found my career derailed, as meetings with him were sparsely scheduled, my emails went unanswered. In response, I retreated, plotting my next move while the fire behind my ambition slowly dimmed.
People like to say that staying silent means you support the behavior and I understand why they’d think that, but it can also be a sign of strength in learning to protect yourself. It takes courage to speak up and there are so many factors at play when making the decision – fear of retaliation, lack of job security, and worry about being labeled as a troublemaker, aka a Corporate leper. Women who have faced harassment often find themselves asking “What if I said something? Will it make any difference or will it just make things worse? Will they even do anything about it?” For me, trying to survive what felt like an uphill battle, in January, during a blizzard, with no coat or relief in sight, was morally defeating and compromising at times. The constant conditioning, complete lack of Psychological and Emotional Safety, and the Boy’s Club culture caused so much fear of retribution and it was nearly impossible to find my voice.
Finding My Voice: Recognizing the Strength in Speaking Out and Sharing My Story
Despite laws that protect women from mistreatment, there is still a pervasive culture of toxic behavior driven by male privilege and a lack of respect for female contributions. This Boys Club mentality is still shutting out different points of view, belittling women’s ideas, and normalizing toxic masculinity and inappropriate behavior. It was only when I started to share my story and other women shared their experiences that I felt a spark of hope. In the process, I was reminded of the power of sharing stories and how they can create change. Taking back control over my narrative has empowered me to make a difference in helping other people feel safe speaking up too.
The call to action here is twofold. For those in positions of power, it’s a mandate to foster workplaces that not only pay lip service to equality and inclusivity but enact and enforce these values in corporate policy and culture. It’s about creating environments where survivors are supported, where systems are fair and just, and where individual voices can sound the alarm of injustice without fear of them being snuffed out by the complicit structures in place. And for those who have faced or are facing these battles, it’s a call to stand together, to refuse the silence that sustains the club’s power and to be relentless in the pursuit of unbroken voices. It’s about creating a safe space where our stories can exist and be heard, respected, and dignified.
It is only through these collective actions, through a community of changemakers committed to turning the tide, can we pave the way for a new era in the workplace. An era where we do not burn our witches on the pyres of corporate indifference, but support them to rise above the smoke, their voices clear and determined to reshape the landscape as equals, as human beings deserving of respect, success, and the shared light of opportunity.